GAINESVILLE, Fla.–If being a leader at work often feels like raising children, and if raising children often reminds you of work, there’s a reason–they have a lot in common and often require similar leadership skills, according to one person. And that includes practices to avoid.
The “one parenting and leadership style that experts overwhelmingly reject for most situations is the authoritarian or autocratic style,” wrote Wanda Thibodeaux, a copywriter with Taking Dictation.com. “This style, which still can have appropriate applications, leans on a drill sergeant or my-way-or-the-highway approach, with most of the language falling back to command statements that are woefully deficient in explanations.”
The Backlash
Just as children with authoritarian parents have been shown to have worsening behavior problems over time, authoritarian bosses lead to workers becoming less creative, wrote Thibodeaux on Inc.com.“They also can feel demotivated and angry, not only because they're not coming up with awesome ideas independently, but because they're afraid of whatever discipline the boss will dish out should they fail.”
In short, the lack of cooperation makes the person being dictated to feel like they have zero control. They genuinely get the message that they aren't appreciated, intelligent, capable or important, Thibodeaux stated.
Getting Out of the Authoritarian Rut
What should you do if you don't want to be autocratic? Ask a question, said Thibodeaux.
“The idea here is simple. You can't make a demand if you're making a request. So for example, instead of saying, ‘Turn everything in to be by 3:00 p.m.,’ it becomes, ‘Will you drop everything off to me by 3:00 p.m. so I can forward them right away in the morning?’
“This subtle word shift instantly will feel more cooperative to your listener,” Thibodeaux continued. “And note that, in the above examples, the rationale or ‘why’ for the request is clear, too (e.g., so no one gets hurt, so you can forward the materials). The first example also incorporates ‘we,’ which implies togetherness and the idea that everyone shares the goal.”
How to Give Questions Power-Ups
According to Thibodeaux, if it's possible, modeling in the moment will amplify whatever you ask. For instance, if you wanted your team to communicate with you via chat for a few hours, then you could ask them to do so through that client.
“Of course, everyday conversation will feel awkward if everything you need someone to do is a question,” acknowledged Thibodeaux. “So couple requests with the removal of negatives in your language. If someone tries to interrupt you in a meeting, instead of ‘Wait until I'm finished,’ you can say, ‘I'll get to you in just a moment.’”
“People want to have a sense that they're seen and respected, that they have both autonomy and inclusion simultaneously. Trade demands and negatives for inquiry and positives and you'll give it to them, all without sacrificing a single one of your goals.”